We Begin Again

2015 has been a year of change.

We often forget the period of isolation that the caterpillar must endure to emerge the butterfly. I suppose this is my season of solitude. Life has a way of humbling you when you need it the most.

When I got married in 2012, I was young and blissfully naive. I had no plan, but I had big plans. Husband, career, babies. All the things I thought I was supposed to be accomplishing. I was arrogant. I was ignorant. I was selfish. I was self-centered and judgmental. I was small minded.

2012 bloomed into 2013 which found Tyler and I back in Oklahoma chasing our career goals. I found my calling in “slinging meat.” The ‘Meat Lady’ was born. I understand that it is packed with innuendo and suggestion. I’m okay with that.

2013 faded into 2014 and 2014 smashed into 2015 and then the wheels fell off.

I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. That perhaps hindsight is 20/20 or the divine creator guides our steps or whatever life philosophy to which you subscribe. But at the end of the day, the person Tyler married was no longer the person I was. My goals had changed. We decided to end our marriage. We remain friends, co-parents of Maggie and Thelma, and supporters of one another.

There is nothing quite as humbling or educational as failure. It changes the lens in which you look through life, and the powerful reformation that is found when your life crashes upon rock bottom is transformative.  I wouldn’t wish the process of divorce upon anyone. But I am of the opinion that if more people suffered through a tragic, overwhelming, consuming loss they would emerge from the ashes a more gracious, compassionate and kind human being.

Coming through the process, I frankly am a little skeptical of people who have not lived and died a few times. I like seeing people who have gambled and lost and rebuilt their lives from what was left. I find in them a kindred spirit, bereft of judgement and earnestly interested in helping others move forward in the direction of their dreams.

While 2015 will always be marred by loss, it will also be a statement of resiliency. I began again. As I set fire to the life I knew and struck out again on my own, I learned some powerful lessons. Each probably deserving of a post of their own. I shopped for a trash can with my best friend Katie and had the time of my life in Bed, Bath and Beyond. I experienced the frightening reality that sometimes the world is not what it seems and not everyone has good intentions. I met life changing new friends. I have gone on new adventures. I have a planner full of memories to be made. I wake up every morning excited to go to a job that I adore. I am back doing the things that I love. My life is full of people I love. My heart is overwhelmed.

But my goal for the new blog is to share in the expounded adventures of Maggie, detail my travels, and provide a canvas to remember the places I have been. I have not lost my zest for living or for writing. It was only a matter of time…..but hey blogging world….I am back!

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